This year, the only muscles in my body that work are in my neck and head. I drive my chair with my mouth and I now write with my eyes. Both are difficult and require much concentration to do. They cause me to focus my thoughts on my physical limitations which is very depressing. I can get lost in a dark and very sad place where all my thoughts are consumed by what my family now has and will soon lose. This is what I have been doing for several months now, particularly this Christmas season. I have been fixating on the broken parts this year! I have been doing the opposite of what I have been blogging about this whole time. It had become so bad that I had decided to stay away from Facebook, until after Christmas, to avoid all the fun that others were having. That is until a very good friend chewed my butt about that decision. "Don't miss this opportunity to enjoy this for you and your family!" Then she read me a quote, "Don't stand around waiting for rainbows when you can enjoy the rain!" Don't focus on the outcome when you are surrounded, at this very moment, by so many joyous events. I had been staring at the top of that tree and all I could see was darkness. The bottom wasn't even visible to me. Fortunately, my ghost of a Christmas past came by to change my point of view.
Our broken Christmas tree is a three dimensional scrapbook of our lives in the form of unique ornaments that are packed away for all but one month a year. This tree represents not just memories of the past, it reminds and renews our love for each other and revives our spirits. The love has always been there for all to see, particularly since ALS joined our family, I had just lost sight of it. Yes, it is a broken time and may be our last Christmas but that rainbow is not important! It's all those beautiful memories that hang on it, with all their stories and meaning. Just like a storm with all its rain, they are plentiful and enrich us all. I had become the Grinch! Looking for and finding all the negative I could this season. But thanks to Cindy Lou Who, who made me see and feel the rain, my heart has grown three sizes this day!
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!